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Author Topic: I need to help my friend, but can't get through to her...?  (Read 458 times)
TonyR
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« on: October 24, 2008, 01:28:25 PM »

One of my good friends is dating a guy. She has been dating him for quite a while, and has TRULY fallen in love with him. The problem is he is a heroin addict. She doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, never has and never will (same with me). He is putting her in a really bad position in my opinion, but she won't leave him because she REALLY loves him, and thinks he can quite. But he won't. How can I get her to realise that he obviosly doesn't love her because he cares more about his drugs, than her safety.I don't know the guy personnally or I would call the cops, but I don't want to get her in trouble too in the process, because I KNOW she isn't in on it, and is trying to get him to stop, and go to a drug rehab place.HELP... PLEASE!!!Part of the reason I know that he doesn't love her is that she said he has no intention of  quitting. I know that people in love can't listen to reason well (I have been in love before, and I screwed it up, but thats besides the point), but I can't just sit here. He might screw her life up, and she has more than almost anybody else on this earth going for her. We jsut graduated from highschool and she was top in the class, she is in college and doing well, EVERYTHING except for him, is perfect in her life and he could screw it ALL up. If he wanted to quite, I would be more than happy to help him, but...I just... It's the WORST feeling in the world for me to have a friend in trouble, and I can't do anything. I don't want to be there when she falls, I  want to PREVENT her from falling alltogether. What if I CAN'T pick up the pieces. I know how much people trying to quite herione have to go through (Discovery Channel) and I don't want her to go through that if she falls prey to him. And I don't think I could help her alone (excluding rehab doctors). Most all of her other friends don't know what real life is like, because they are all the "perfect" people who do everything right. So they would likely just cut contact from her, so they don't catch her "evil" bug. So I would be nearly all alone in helping her along. Plus for people who start heroine it becomes REALLY likely that they would start again, and I wouldn't want her to do that either if he got her into it.
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JezW
Guest
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2008, 03:00:03 PM »

if she truly thinks she loves him then there is nothing you can do except be there to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong,that's what true friends do,
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MalcolmW
Guest
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2008, 04:31:41 PM »

if you dont know him then you cant say that he cant quit. help her get him some help.
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cajntex
Guest
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2008, 06:03:19 PM »

People have to want help in order to accept the help.  If she truly loves him, she can try to convince him to get the help.  Heroin is not easy to quit.  You can't just put it down and never do it again.  It is physically painful to detox from Heroin.  He needs some serious and dedicated help, and your friend needs to help him get the help he needs.  He can't do it for himself.  As a friend, you can be there for both of them, because he will need all the friends he can get.
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r3al_lil_mama
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« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2008, 07:34:57 PM »

Well in this case you have to talk to her just one-on-one you and her and express how you feel to her! But if after that she still doesn't wan to Listen all you can do is be there for her..you know what they say"you can lead the horse to the water, but you can't force him to drink"!
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jayythegreatymailcom
Guest
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2008, 09:06:35 PM »

The sad part about this is that if she sticks around with him long enough heroin addicts tend to get other people addicted and heroin is one of the most addictive and lethal drug in the world. if you dont cut her off soon things will be worsetry and figure out who he is asap if you dont than things will notbe good
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filip
Guest
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2008, 10:38:13 PM »

You cannot do anything than being a friend, which is A LOT to be. Love is too big an emotion to listen to reason. Let her find out by herself, because there is necessarily a reason why she feels attracted to the man you describe.  
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Luna
Guest
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2008, 12:09:51 AM »

Just try to sstay out of the problem, besides is not ur problem but shes ur friend! Just take care of ur friend! in case is something happens.You cannnot do anything about it, just be there for her when she falls down Smiley thats a real friend
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SybilC
Guest
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2008, 01:41:29 AM »

Until this guy wants help, there is nothing anyone can do to change it. Encourage her to do some reading on the forum I put a link to below, or others like it. She will see what she will have to deal with.
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rosek
Guest
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2008, 03:13:07 AM »

I'll paste two articles, you can print them and show it to your best friend.1.Yes. Why? He's a drug addict! I was with a guy for 3 years who was a drug addict. He was not an addict the entire time, just the last 6 months of the relationship.He became violent. Broke into my house, always out of money (racked up about $27,000 in debt without trying), and cheated on me while fleecing unsuspecting girls out f their money because I wouldn't give him any.Where do I start with what a bad idea it is to keep this guy in your life? Depending on how he uses the drugs, if he shoots up and uses dirty needles, you can be assured of signing your own death warrant if you are sexually active with him (HIV/AIDS).He will likely steal from you or beg for money constantly. Neither is good. Say he upsets a dealer or a drug deal goes wrong. You are as much a target of the wronged individual as he is which is dangerous to say the least.Guilt by association. Do you really want people to think you're an addict too? Plus, you don't want to be caught in a compromising position with the law if he gets busted or commits a drug related crime.You've only invested 2 weeks, back out now. Now! Don't get sucked into thinking you can change him. He will not change until HE wants to. . .that is an absolute fact.Don't get sucked in-period. 'Nuf said. 2.I know the question is kind of old, and my answer may be outdated, but I need to add this. Do NOT get involved with a drug addict. Break up now, as soon as you can, before he can get his controlling hooks any deeper into you. Drug addiction/alcoholism (alcohol is also a drug) is a progressive disease. If you continue in a relationship with one, it will--not might, will--come to the point where the drug is more important than anything else, including you, your children, his parents... "I don't need to pay the electric bill or feed my family. I just need to get high." Sidebar, for those who stay in the relationship: you can't "help" him unless he wants to be helped. If he does, then point him to the professionals. Don't try to be his therapist yourself. Even if you were professionally trained as a therapist, ethics prevent professionals from treating their own family and friends. Bottom line is  Bail out before more is invested & LOST! Staying means you're hoping to change him & it doesn't work that way.
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TH
Guest
« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2008, 04:44:45 AM »

well prove her wrong with some sort of evidence you've found. NEVER TRY TO TRICK HER THOUGH! OR THAT WILL BREAK YOUR FRIENDSHIP IF SHE FOUND OUT!!make her realize that he cares about drugs more than her with something to prove.
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Lucks
Guest
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2008, 06:16:23 AM »

The highlights scrag chicken egg without stopping?
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